Your face is a jimmy john
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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