Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
