you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
