Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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