why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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