i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
