is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Couch. On fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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