my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
