what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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