I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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