I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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