I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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