M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
