I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
