I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
