When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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