That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm at about main and main street
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
