We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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