i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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