I never want to see another naked old woman again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
