Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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