Pregnant stripper...not hot.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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