omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
