Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
