No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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