they need to just BURY HIM!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
