We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
