I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
