I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
