DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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