marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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