i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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