It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
