How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
