3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
