I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
