The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize