We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
