The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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