I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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