I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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