Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
