2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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