my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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