i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
