Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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