guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
