That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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