Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
