My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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