But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
