Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
