when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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