Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
