I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
