you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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