My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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