I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
