I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
