please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
