I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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