I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
