Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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