The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
