now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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