I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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