so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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