Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
