So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize