They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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