Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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