Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The air was thick with penises
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
