Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
