U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
