there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
